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Tuesday, April 22, 2003
How about an IDIOT SECTION?!
Whatever happened to going to a game to support the team or because you enjoy the sport?

Recently we have had a rash of those who go to make fools of themselves...drink too much...and attempt to get arrested.

These people seem to think the ball park is their personal playground. Recently the game had to be stopped four times in Chicago as fans ran onto the field. The final time a fan tackled the umpire!

Last weekend a fan tossed his cell-phone from the upper deck and hits Carl Everett in the head. What the heck is going on?!!

What do we have to do to slow these drunks down?

How about an IDIOT SECTION?!

You would be able to pick this section when you enter the ball park. Just tell the usher you plan on drinking too much and plan on trying to get on the field. The usher will then seat you in the idiot section.

Or as the game progresses and you keep pouring down those $6 warm beers, Wally the Beer Man will tell the ushers you are ready for the idiot section.

When you enter the Idiot Section you must remove your pants and underwear. You must sit buck naked in your chair at all times. These chairs have been modified to produce a small electric current should you attempt to raise up from your chair at anytime. You will sit. You will sober up. And you will get your pants back when you get ready to leave. This should keep some of you field hoppers in your chairs.

For the tossers...if you throw things on the field, you will be escorted to the field and forced to run the bases while the families of the players throw "harpoon-like" javelins at you. If you are struck you will be escorted to the Idiot Section and de-pantsed immediately.

If you can only afford upper deck seats and can't get directly onto the field, all stadiums will install a diving board upstairs so you can just jump onto the field.

The judge in one of the recent cases has promised to throw the book at the idiot who came on the field. You go judge! Send a message!! You have my support!!! I like to go to see the game!!!!
Posted By Dan Skogen
Friday, April 11, 2003
Tidbits From The Mailbox
It's that time of year when we get stuck on two sides of a sports season. Winter...coming to a close. Spring and summer...slow to get started. It's the time of year when we fill our articles with little tidbits that arrive in the mail.

First of all, Mid-State Conference boys' basketball awards were handed out last week. Congratulations to Allan Savig, Andrew Leitheiser, and Rory Manke of Detroit Lakes; Jason Schmidt, Brady Zubke and Eric Pilgrim of Park Rapids; Josh Smith and Aaron Kelly from Staples-Motley; Luke Schramm and Andrew Christianson of Pequot Lakes; Michael Grieme of Wadena-Deer Creek and Tyler Scull of Crosby-Ironton. These athletes made the All-Conference first team.

MVP honors went to Luke Schramm of Pequot Lakes and Andrew Leitheiser of Detroit Lakes. Coach of the year was Wade Johnson of Detroit Lakes.

In other notes:

Jane Peterson has been named athletic director at Central Lakes College in Brainerd and Staples. Peterson has twice been named NJCAA Division III volleyball coach of the year and guided the Raiders to National Volleyball titles in 2000 and 2001. Peterson had already been A.D. in women's athletics, but will now add oversight of the men's department as well.

And the Minnesota Twins have announced that 30 communities will host free youth clinics this summer. The 3-hour clinics require no registration and will be open to boys and girls ages 6-16. The clinics start April 26th in New Brighton. In this area, the Twins will be at Nisswa Saturday July 26th at 9:00 a.m. In the event of rain it will be moved to the Pequot Lakes High School.
Posted By Dan Skogen
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